Perfect Relationship Secrets Revealed – No. 3
Posted in Successful Relationships, With Others on 10. Aug, 2010
Talk or Walk…. So, just how important is communication in a relationship?
Well if past experience is any indication, then it could be ‘make it’ or ‘break it’ important. If you don’t share a mutually clear understanding of your thoughts, feelings, desires, wants and needs with your partner, so much so, it reveals who you really are, then you may as well stop torturing yourself and end it right now… Or do something about it.
Why? Because anything less than sharing your true thoughts and feelings and discussing the really hard stuff head on, is not enjoying an authentic real relationship… What you have instead is a surface attempt at being close; it has no long term sustainability and depth of fulfilment and has no room to grow.
If you are not a talker, you probably think you can mind read. Very few people on the planet are blessed with the ‘mind reading gene’ and unfortunately, if left to your own devices for too long, you might start to think you CAN mind read, or worse…. You expect to be mind read by others, especially our partner.
Not talking causes people to think they can mind read and they often make false assumptions that cause problems in a partnership. When you take out the guess work and ask questions and exchange dialogue, you get more of what you want and you hear the truth… And there is then, no room for misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Can you imagine what kind of disease and confusion mind reading can cause? Especially when most people who mind read cannot, at all!
So the first step to being a talker is to STOP MIND READING and ask questions to find the truth.
I realise talking about anything is much easier to say then actually do for some people. A lot of adults grew up in families where everything got swept under the rug, parents didn’t talk to each other, fathers didn’t talk to their kids, and mothers didn’t teach her daughter how to be women… Nothing much was said at all, perhaps it’s still like that in your family?
So how do you get exceptionally good at communication, if you don’t know where to start? What do you do if it scares you to speak up, or you never have till now?
The first step is to understand a few fundamentals about communication:
It is the responsibility of the one communicating to get their message across so it is understood as they intended. If a message is misunderstood, repeat it in such a way that it is clearly taken the way you intended, repeat and adjust as needed
Remember that 55% of communication is in your physiology, 38% tonality and 7% is words. This means how you say the words are vitally important. Use your body to convey the message, include meaningful tonality and choose your words carefully.
If you feel fear around speaking up for yourself or sharing your intimate thoughts than it might be time to stretch yourself and start figuring out why. My rule of thumb here is to feel the fear and do it anyway. I will also suggest a coaching session to uncover the root cause or core issue that may be underlying your fears. A coach can help you let go of that ‘stuff’ for good.
Understand that speaking up and saying how you really feel is you being you’re true and real self, so what could possibly be wrong with that? When you speak your truth and share your deepest heart’s desires, you are revealing an intimate part of who you are and the more you choose to do that, the more powerful you become and the greater your self esteem and the more innately confident you are.
When you share your thoughts your partner will also see the real you and not a fragment of whom you are. You then give him or her, the opportunity to love all of who you are. Imagine just being yourself, not an edited version? I can tell you it’s much easier and less exhausting just being you, fully revealed. And your partner will love you for it.
So there you have it… It’s time to talk, enjoy talking with your partner about the things that really matter, because anything less than that is compromising the very woman you are. Communication is a critical part of a relationship, it’s the very thing that tells you how they feel, what they want and need… All essential ingredients to a happier life together.
A mature way to approach a relationship is to talk about everything so you can develop closeness, intimacy and togetherness. Happy chatting away my friends… xxx
Yours Real and Raw
Janelle Manton
Director Top Secret Women’s Business
